10 Puns - Cleaning Talk - Professional Cleaning and Restoration Forum
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post #1 of Old 05-02-2008, 08:07 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 21
10 Puns

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two
dead raccoons. The
flight attendant looks at
him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and
says "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

4 Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost
my electron." The
other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about
the Buddhist who
refused Novocain during
a root canal? His goal: transcend dent al medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into
a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of
the office and asked
them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as
they moved off.
"Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open

7. A woman has twins
and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small
florist shop to raise
funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close
down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to
close. Hugh beat up the
friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby
proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as
you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses
on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made
him rather frail and, with
his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
made him (Oh, man, this
is so bad,it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.
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post #2 of Old 05-02-2008, 09:36 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: California
Posts: 1,083
Well I must say that my day just started with a smile - Thank you
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post #3 of Old 01-11-2009, 08:17 PM
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 5
Ha Ha the last 1 was my favorite! lol they were all so bad they were good
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post #4 of Old 05-01-2009, 03:45 PM
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2
Another Pun?

This one is kind of long, but I think it is "punny" enough to be worth a quick read.

Extreme Sports was in full swing, and the whole village was listening ot the live radio coverage. Being avid sportsmen, two Kerrymen walk into a pet shop in Dingle a week later. They head to the Bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000' foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Dis budgie jumping is way too dangerous for me!"


Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!"


Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean Og appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean Og then hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits on a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head. "What a tragedy, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting. and now Sean Og and his stoopid hengliding!"
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