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post #1 of Old 10-31-2012, 09:30 AM Thread Starter
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Jokes

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week so he did same tricks over and over.
The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
He started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?' The magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot.
They glared at each other but said nothing. Finally, after a week, the parrot said: 'OK, I give up. Where's the boat?'
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post #2 of Old 10-31-2012, 09:31 AM Thread Starter
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A man left for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages.
When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife.
After two hours, she stopped nagging and said: 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?' He replied: 'That would be fine with me.' Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
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post #3 of Old 10-31-2012, 11:30 AM
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A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
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post #4 of Old 11-03-2012, 08:30 PM
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How do you organize a party in space?

You planet.


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post #5 of Old 11-16-2012, 05:08 AM
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What is the difference between a carpet and a baker?

The baker has to wake up early in the morning and the carpet can have a lie in.

Have a great day!

Tom
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post #6 of Old 11-20-2012, 07:26 AM
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I am fan of the jokes. Whenever I am alone at the home then I like to hear it. For that I have organize big collection of it in my computer. I like to hear new and funny jokes everyday. I have also store it in my mobile phone.
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post #7 of Old 12-07-2012, 11:34 PM
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What do you call a cow that just gave birth?

.. decalfinated

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post #8 of Old 01-21-2013, 06:06 AM Thread Starter
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Three absent minded writers were busy discussing a writing project on the platform, while waiting for the train. The announcement was made, and the train finally arrived. There was complete panic among eagerly waiting passengers as the train made its way to the platform. Passengers rushed inside the train, and the train left. However, one of the writers was not able to catch the train in the confusion.

A passerby who saw all this came up to the writer and told him not to worry and catch the next available train. The writer replied, “I am not worried for myself, but the real problem is that I was the one who was suppose to catch the train, and the two of them who went on the train, actually came to see me off”

Last edited by gabrielnagy; 01-21-2013 at 06:07 AM. Reason: bad spelling
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post #9 of Old 01-22-2013, 08:02 AM
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Wife go to doctor with husband.
Wife said to doctor - My husband talk in sleep.
Doctor said to wife - Let him talk in day time.
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post #10 of Old 01-28-2013, 08:43 PM
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What vegetable has rhythm? A beet

LOL yes I know it's corney
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post #11 of Old 01-29-2013, 10:17 PM
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Joke for today:
A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said:
"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT 'S TOO MUCH!”
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered in her ear: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".
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post #12 of Old 03-13-2013, 05:28 AM
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Today joke

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.
“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”
For more funny jokes and watch some Funny Clips then contact us videobulk.com
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post #13 of Old 03-22-2013, 08:43 AM
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Q) Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A) Because they have big fingers.
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post #14 of Old 05-13-2013, 06:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preet View Post
Today joke

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.
“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”
For more funny jokes and watch some Funny Clips then contact us videobulk.com
Hahahaha awesome joke
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post #15 of Old 05-22-2013, 09:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BusyBeeClean View Post
Joke for today:
A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said:
"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT 'S TOO MUCH!”
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered in her ear: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".

haha brilliant!

Skweeky Kleen are Carpet Cleaners Bristol
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post #16 of Old 05-30-2013, 05:19 AM
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Lolxx now these are really funny jokes.. I like this thread, thanks for sharing this great stuff. now I also have something to share.. hope you like.

A boss was telling an applicant the two main rules of the company..
He said,
“Our 2nd main rule is cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat before coming in?”
The applicant replied, “Yes sir! I did.”
Then the boss said,” Our 1st main rule is trustworthiness.
.
There was no mat!”
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post #17 of Old 06-03-2015, 04:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preet View Post
Today joke

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.
“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”
For more funny jokes and watch some Funny Clips then contact us videobulk.com
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post #18 of Old 06-10-2015, 02:22 AM
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Really funny jokes. Thanks a lot!
End of Tenancy Cleaning Roehampton
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post #19 of Old 07-06-2015, 06:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tomkent45 View Post
What is the difference between a carpet and a baker?

The baker has to wake up early in the morning and the carpet can have a lie in.

Have a great day!

Tom
Nice joke.
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post #20 of Old 08-13-2015, 02:50 AM
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joke from york :)

A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."
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